When you think about healing, you might envision a steady, challenging, uphill, linear journey. You might believe if you take all the steps, you’re told that you’re destined for complete wellness. If you’re frustrated that your journey has not gone as you expected, you’re not alone!
Healing is not linear. Life would be dull if we followed a linear path free of obstacles. We are meant to blaze new, winding trails, experiencing both mastery and misadventure along the way. Understanding and accepting this can be one of the most powerful steps to recovery.
Maya Angelou said, “You may encounter may defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you’re, what you can rise from, and how you can still come out of it.”
Why is “Healing is Not Linear”?
Trauma or the big moments that form patterns in our thinking and behaviors. We can imagine these patterns are like a sled’s path in the snow. That path gets deeper and more ingrained each time we take it. We call these neural pathways. While these pathways might be linear, healing is not. It requires great effort to start a new path or branch off from the original. Even with strength and determination, your natural inclination will be to return to the familiar, well-worn path.
The Emotional Complexity of Non-Linear Healing
When you decide to come to therapy, most likely, it’s because you’re experiencing intense emotions. We’ll teach you coping skills and offer perspectives, validation, and empathy that will normalize your experiences and provide relief. But remember, healing is not linear! Once we begin to process past events, you may feel trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts. When you encounter a triggering situation, you might suddenly find yourself on that old familiar path and feel an even stronger inclination to stay there.
You might experience anger, sadness, confusion, relief, and joy—all in one week! Or you might feel several emotions at the same time, which can be quite overwhelming. Even when intense, each emotional response is worth paying attention to. Each has a purpose. However, we cannot let our emotions steer the sled. Reacting to your emotions without thinking will put you back on that familiar neural pathway. Over time, with the practice required to acquire any skill, you’ll learn to harness the power of your emotions as the wind at your back, speeding you along your new path forward.
Embracing the Good and Bad Phases
Healing involves good and bad phases. During a good phase, you’re sliding along the new path on your sled – nothing but blue skies and white-packed snow ahead. You might feel a surge of energy, confidence, and positivity.
It’s important to celebrate these moments. They’re signs that healing is happening and that the tools and coping mechanisms you’ve developed are working.
However, bad phases are inevitable. Suddenly, there’s a field of pine trees your sled fails to navigate or an avalanche that blocks your progress. We might feel stuck, discouraged, or emotionally drained in these moments. Instead, consider this an opportunity to reflect, reassess, and apply the lessons you’ve learned so far. Remember, progress isn’t linear, and neither is healing.
Thomas Edison failed 1000 times before inventing the light bulb. “FAIL” can be an acronym for “first attempt in learning.” Think back on your life and your work. How often have you learned something from making a big mistake? When faced with a problem did you gain knowledge while figuring out the solution? Even our setbacks are part of the bigger picture. They help us learn, grow, and develop resilience.
The Role of Support in a Non-Linear Healing Journey
In the US, we hold the societal belief that if you just work hard enough, you’ll accomplish your goals. This “ableism” is deeply rooted in our culture and has caused great shame and stigma because we then view setbacks as evidence of “laziness,” “selfishness,” or “rebelliousness.” Whether you’re on a healing journey OR if you’re a loved one supporting someone on a healing journey, remember that healing is not linear.
Having folks on the sideline who cheer you on in your progress AND who provide comfort and hot cocoa when you crash your sled can make a world of difference. Friends, family, and therapists can offer encouragement, validation, and practical advice. Joining a therapy or support group therapy can be a transformative experience. In a group, you’ll witness other folks’ non-linear healing journeys and experience empathy for them, inspiring you to have greater empathy for yourself.
Tools and Techniques for a Non-Linear Healing Journey
At Roots and Branches Therapy, we create a safe, non-judgmental space for individuals to explore these cycles of healing. Here are tools we’ve found helpful in navigating our own non-linear healing:
- Mindfulness & Non-Judgement: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment and make it easier to observe your emotions without becoming overwhelmed. Take 5 minutes daily to sit with your emotions and thoughts as they come up. Accept each one, assess its purpose, and then imagine putting it in a box labeled “helpful” or “harmful.” Then imagine sealing those boxes, putting them on a shelf to be unpacked in therapy, and turning your mind to the day ahead of you.
- Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a powerful process. By tracking your progress, you may notice patterns and become more aware of triggers, making it easier to anticipate challenging periods.
- Setting Small Goals: Instead of focusing on your destination, set small, achievable goals that align with your healing journey. This might include mastering a new coping strategy, attending a support group, or simply taking a walk each day.
- Practicing Self-Compassion and Radical Acceptance: Pain is part of life, but suffering does not have to be. Setbacks are painful, but being self-critical about your setbacks causes suffering. Radically accepting that setbacks are part of the learning and growth process will help you treat yourself with compassion and patience, which in turn, helps build resilience and self-esteem.
The Importance of Redefining “Progress” in Healing
One of the most liberating aspects of understanding that healing is not linear is realizing that progress looks different for everyone. It is important to redefine progress, valuing forward motion and relapse as opportunities for growth and learning. Healing isn’t about a destination but about building a life that feels whole, connected, and meaningful and embracing the scars of the past.
Conclusion: Embracing the Journey, Not the Destination
Healing is a nonlinear journey: a winding sleigh ride with highs and lows, tough new beginnings, uphill climbs, and rocky obstacle courses. Understanding that healing is not linear can help us approach it with patience, grace, and a bit of humor. Rather than aiming for a perfect end point, embrace each accomplishment and challenge along the way.
At Roots and Branches Therapy, we consider it an honor to witness your journey and provide the support you need to navigate it. Remember, healing may not be linear, but every (mis)step you take brings you closer to a place of growth and resilience.
