Gender Identity: A Guide to Understanding

Gender identity is a deeply personal and essential part of who we are. It shapes how we see ourselves, navigate the world, and interact with others. While conversations about gender identity have become more common, misinformation and confusion still exist. Whether you are exploring your own gender identity, supporting a loved one, or seeking to deepen your understanding, this guide will provide clarity on what gender identity is, why it matters, and how we can foster a more inclusive society.

What Is Gender Identity?

Gender is a social construct shaped by cultural, historical, and individual factors. This includes norms and behaviors associated with being feminine or masculine as well as our anticipated or expected relationship to people of the same or opposite sex.

Three dimensions create a feedback loop regarding gender: body, identity, and social. Our own experience of our body, how society genders bodies, and how others interact with us based on our bodies affect our sense of self as it relates to gender. Society can view people as more or less a woman or man based on stereotypical masculine traits (e.g., tall, muscular) or feminine traits (e.g., diminutive, curvy). While there are arguments to be made from an evolutionary perspective (e.g., we instinctively choose mates based on what will protect us and help propagate the species), there is no question that societal forces have the most significant impact on our concept of gender. For instance, historically, the way children are dressed or the toys they are given begin to form and start them off understanding what is an acceptable masculine or feminine activity, given their sex. Will a father buy his son a Barbie if he asks for it? And how will other boys at school treat this boy if he brings in his Barbie for show and tell? It also informs our idea of relationships between genders. Can men and women be friends? Do you believe that women gossip with each other more frequently than men?

As a social construct, our ideas about gender vary from society to society and evolve over time. Gender identity refers to a person’s internal sense of their gender, which may or may not align with the sex they were assigned at birth. It is a deeply held understanding of oneself as male, female, both, neither, or something else entirely. Unlike biological sex, which is based on physical attributes such as chromosomes and reproductive organs, gender identity is rooted in how individuals personally experience and define themselves. Some common gender identities include:

Agender: A person who does not identify with any gender.
Cisgender: A person whose gender identity aligns with the sex assigned at birth
Genderfluid: Someone whose gender identity shifts over time.
Genderqueer: Genderqueer people typically reject notions of static gender categories. They may see themselves as both male and female, neither male nor female, or as falling completely outside these categories.
Gender-expansive: a person with a broader, more flexible range of gender identity and/or expression than typically associated with the binary gender system
Gender non-conforming: denoting or relating to a person whose behavior or appearance does not conform to prevailing cultural and social expectations about what is appropriate to their gender.
Non-Binary: A term for people who do not exclusively identify as male or female.
Transgender: A person whose gender identity differs from the sex assigned at birth
- It is important to note that this term does not mean that this person has undergone or plans to undergo gender affirming surgery (GAS) or take hormone replacement. Furthermore, asking questions about this distinction is ostensively asking about someone’s genitals and secondary sex characteristics, which is the type of question that would make anyone feel uncomfortable or harassed.
Two-Spirit: A gender identity recognized in some Indigenous cultures that may encompass both masculine and feminine spirits. It’s important to note that if you are not Native American or from a culture that uses this term as part of their indigenous heritage, it can be considered offensive to co-opt this term.
Queer: a spectrum of identities and orientations that are counter to mainstream culture. Currently a catch-all phrase for those who don’t define as cisgender or heterosexual, queer was historically a slur, but has been reclaimed by many parts of the LGBTQ+ movement.
Questioning: a term used to describe people who are in the process of exploring their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Understanding gender identity requires recognizing that it exists on a spectrum rather than a binary system. People may use different terms to describe their gender identity, and language will evolve as society becomes more inclusive.

The Difference Between Gender Identity, Gender Expression, and Biological Sex

To better understand gender identity, we need to make some further distinctions and definitions:

Biological Sex: A biological distinction of anatomy and chromosomes (male, female, intersex). Sex is typically assigned at birth based on observable characteristics. Research in neurology, endocrinology, and cellular biology suggest a broader biological basis for an individual’s experience of gender than their sex (one example: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S096758682400105X )
Intersex: an umbrella term for people born with differences in reproductive anatomy, chromosomes, and hormones that do not align with the scientific definition of male and female. While Intersex folks are the “I” on the LGBTQIA spectrum, it is different from being gender diverse.
Sexual Orientation: an inherent emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to others, is a separate and distinct part of someone’s identity.
Gender expression: the external appearance of gender, including behavior, hair, clothing, body characteristics, or voice. A person’s gender expression may or may not conform to how you understand their gender and/or characteristics defined as masculine or feminine. It’s important to realize that your interpretation of someone’s appearance does
Gender transition: a process where people strive to shift their external appearance to align with their gender identity, such as changing their pronouns, voice and manner of dressing, and may or may not involve modifying their bodies through medical intervention.
Gender dysphoria: a level of psychological distress caused when a person’s assigned birth gender is not aligned with the gender with which they identify. It’s important to remember that the “dysphoria” is in large part due to the way society treats folks who are not cisgender and the need to cling to these gender norms. However, this diagnostic term is essential in ensuring insurance coverage for gender-affirming care.

Why Gender Identity Matters

Gender identity plays a significant role in an individual’s mental health, well-being, and sense of belonging. When you listen, validate, and affirm someone as they share who they are, you offer affirmation. When a person’s gender identity is affirmed, they are more likely to experience self-acceptance, confidence, and psychological well-being. On the other hand, gender dysphoria, a distressing disconnect between one’s gender identity and assigned sex, can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges if not addressed.

As mentioned, society also plays a crucial role in shaping how gender identity is understood and accepted. Discrimination, stigma, and lack of support can create barriers and traumatize transgender and non-binary individuals, making it vital to foster inclusivity, respect, and equal rights for all.

The Role of Pronouns and Language in Gender Identity

Respecting a person’s gender identity includes using their correct pronouns and names. Pronouns such as he/him, she/her, or they/them reflect an individual’s gender identity and should be used accordingly. Some people may also use neopronouns like ze/zir or ey/em.

Misgendering (using incorrect pronouns or names) can cause emotional harm and reinforce feelings of invalidation. If you are unsure about someone’s pronouns, it’s best to ask, “What are your pronouns?” or use gender-neutral language until clarity is provided politely. If you misgender someone, it is best to genuinely, quickly apologize and move on. If you make a prolonged explanation or effusive apology, it can (1) appear disingenuous or defensive and (2) may put the onus (or guilt) on the person you misgendered to make you feel ok.

How to Support Someone Exploring Their Gender Identity

If someone in your life is exploring their gender identity, offering support and affirmation can make a profound difference. Here are some ways to be an ally:

Share your pronouns: Get in the habit of sharing your pronouns when you introduce yourself. It helps to create a new norm.
Listen Without Judgment: Let the person share their experiences and feelings openly.
Respect Their Identity: Use their chosen name and pronouns.
Educate Yourself: Learn about gender diversity and the challenges faced by transgender and non-binary individuals. Understanding your own identities, examining your biases and acknowledging your privilege
Being Responsible to One Another: We owe each other kindness, respect, and empathy, and we all crave belonging.
Navigate your Fear: Recognize that you or those around you might “get it wrong.” Making mistakes is part of learning. Own your mistakes, apologize, and continue to learn. Similarly, giving the benefit of the doubt to others who may make a mistake. “Cancelling” or assuming evil intent or harm is not allyship, as it creates more fear and division. Instead, privately, correct the other party in a low stakes way
Name gendered concepts, environments, and products in the workplace and community spaces and advocate for change (e.g., unisex bathrooms, inclusive advertising for historically gendered products)
Donate: to organizations that support gender affirming care, research, or advocacy
Ask about what feels supportive: Each individual has their own experience of what feels supportive. Don’t be afraid to ask how you can best support a friend or family member.
Advocate for Inclusivity: Support policies and practices that promote gender equality in schools, workplaces, and healthcare settings.
Encourage Professional Support: If they are struggling, suggest seeking therapy with a gender-affirming therapist.

The Importance of Gender-Affirming Therapy

For many individuals, gender-affirming therapy provides a safe space to explore their identity and navigate the challenges that may arise. A therapist specializing in gender identity can offer guidance on:

Reducing gender dysphoria and the accompanying anxiety and/or depression
Tools and strategies for managing societal and family pressures
Exploring gender identity without judgment
Processing traumatic experiences that affect self-esteem and identity
Navigating medical transition options (if desired)

Final Thoughts

Creating a world that respects and affirms gender diversity benefits everyone. Forming one’s gender identity can be a challenging journey, where people feel hurt and influenced by internalized stereotypes, family and societal bias, and pressures. You can be an ally to those on this hero’s quest by seeking understanding, fostering acceptance, offering respect, validating people’s experiences, and giving them the freedom to explore. Whether exploring your identity or supporting someone else, compassion and education are key to fostering an inclusive society.

At Roots and Branches Therapy, we believe in creating an inclusive and affirming environment for individuals of all gender identities. While all our therapists are experienced in working with LGBTQIA+ individuals and provide compassionate support tailored to each person’s needs, we also have therapists who specialize in this work. Check out our team profiles (at this link) for details.